WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE

I guess there is nothing like losing a loved one to put life back in perspective for you. My grandpa's funeral was amazing. Every person who came through the line expressed such a genuine love for him. Each had stories and examples of how he had touched their lives and left a lasting impression with them. Even people who hadn't seen him for 10+ years still came to make sure we as a family knew how much he meant to them, how he had built them up as a person and made them feel loved and appreciated. It's easy to idolize someone when they are your grandpa, but seeing so many people say the same thing just confirmed it. He truly was one of a kind.

Troy and I have spent quite a bit of time talking since the funeral. I think it was a wake up call for both of us. What will people say at our funeral. Will we have touched peoples lives? We we have made lasting impressions?

My sister sang the most incredible song at the end of the funeral. The words read:

When all is said and done
As the season slips away
When I've taken steps beyond my sight
Will I find my strength in greater light
Will my courage grow with every passing day
And will my faith be constant as the setting sun
When all is said and done

When all is said and done
and the years have turned to gold
Will my life become a legacy
Of the things that matter most to me
Will the fire of faith burn bright as I grow old
And will I want to be the person I've become
When all is said and done.

When all is said and done
When my eyes can finally see
Will I glory in the sweet release
And will mercy fill my soul with peace
Will I kneel in wonder at the Savior's feet
Will I hear Him say "well done"
When He sees who I've become
Will I live with Him
When all is said and done.

She struggled to get through the last verse and there wasn't a dry eye in the congregation. And I'm sure we all had the same thought. Without a doubt my grandfather heard "Well, Done Ray." Now the bigger question is - would I?

It was one of those pivotal moments in our lives when you really stop and evaluate yourself. And then your realize just how much work you have to do.

Memories

"When someone you love becomes a memory,

that memory becomes a gift."

I think I have spent most of my quiet moments this past week recalling every memory I have of my grandpa and replaying them over and over in my mind. It's almost as if I feel a sense of panic, like I just might forget one of them if I allow myself to stop thinking about it. Perhaps by writing a few of them down, I can rest at ease a little. So here are a few of my favorite memories/stories about my grandpa.

* Grandpa was notorious for being an overly cautious driver. Sometimes he even stopped for green lights. It wasn't uncommon for an impatient driver to honk and wave a certain finger in the air. Grandpa's reaction was always the same. He would turn to them, smile and wave hello.

* Grandpa was such optimist. He was SO positive. In the last few years he has had to see numerous doctors for numerous ailments. When a doctor would walk into the room the interaction was always the same. The doctor would ask "So, how are we doing today?" And grandpa's reply was always the same. "I am just great. How are you?" He would then want to hear all about the doctor and how things were going for him. My mom or grandma would have to remind him that they were at the doctor because HE WAS sick. One of his doctors used to say "Ray, you are the HEALTHIEST, unhealthy person I know."

* My grandpa had a love of music. He played the saxophone and even had his own band. My brother said it best when he said, "He is the only old person I know that you would have to ask to turn the volume down while listening to his music."

* He loved American Idol! We had so much fun talking about all the contestants. We were both Clay Aiken fans and Troy and I, my parents AND grandma and grandpa actually went to the American Idol tour concert when it came to Salt Lake. We laughed as we sat among thousands of teenagers but we still had a blast.

* He loved to work out. Up until about a week before he passed away he would still go the gym to lift weights with some of his friends. I think we were all a little nervous to think of our frail 125 pound grandpa going to the gym but no one could tell him otherwise. Two days before died he said, "If I could just get to the gym, I think I would feel a lot better."

* Whenever we went out to eat at a restaurant his favorite treat was to drink the little containers of coffee creamer out on the tables. He would sip it, swallow and then say "Ah, ta-ta-ta-TA." At his graveside we tied creamers to balloons and had all the grandkids and great-grandkids send creamers to heaven for grandpa. We also passed out creamers at the luncheon and had one last toast to grandpa.

* He had lots of funny sayings. Some of my favorite are:

"Why get mad, you just have to get glad again."

"What are you birds up to?"

"This is right up there with a good nose bleed."

* He never wanted to miss out on a party and loved social events. He wanted to be involved with everything and probably pushed his aging body farther than he should. If there was a golf game, he was going. In 2002 the entire Larsen clan went to Hawaii. I will never forget my grandpa boogie boarding in the ocean just so he didn't miss out on the fun. I think we were all a little fearful watching the waves throw him around but no one could convince him to sit it out.

* Every time he saw one of his grandkids or great-grandkids he would pull out his little coin purse and give you some money. It wasn't much but it was something. I swear always kept his coin purse full just in case someone stopped by.

And then there are those precious memories in the final hours of his life. Like how even though he was so weak he still wanted to hold Caymbree. He pressed his forehead right against hers and just held her. Caymbree who usually would squirm and squeal just sat quietly as they had their little moment. I remember how he grabbed Hallee's hand and gave it a tight squeeze. And how, as we were about to leave, he looked at Hope and said, "One call...that's all." Hope laughed and then did it back to him. And finally, how in our final embrace he made sure to tell me just how much he loved me.

Thanks for the memories grandpa!

No matter when it happens....it's ALWAYS too soon.

I knew it was coming. I even prayed for it. But it doesn't make it any easier. Yesterday my sweet grandfather passed away. It is bitter sweet. I am so grateful that he doesn't have to suffer any longer. I feel at peace knowing that he is in a better place. And yet, it is still one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through in my life.

My grandpa was one of the greatest men I have ever known. When my patriarchal blessing counseled me to develop a "ready-smile" I instantly knew I had the perfect footsteps to follow. My grandpa was the type of man that if you met him on the street, in the grocery store, or just crossed paths you became an instant friend. The next time he saw you he would treat you as if he had known you your entire life. He had a zest for life. His humor and wit will always be remembered.

I don't think I will ever meet someone as kind and patient as my grandpa. Even my own mother doesn't remember a single time in her life that he ever raised his voice.

I am truly grateful for the gospel in my life. Knowing that he is able to return to his Father in heaven provides such a peace at a time of sorrow. Looking back at the events of the past week it is easy to see God's hand directing our paths. We were able to spend time with him, say our good-byes and convey our love. I will always be grateful for those last precious memories I was able to have with him.

My True Colors

What's Your True Color?

My Result: Yellow

You're yellow, the color of joy and energy — two things you definitely bring to everyone around you. It's hard for anyone to be sad or lonely in your presence; your sunny disposition and cheery outlook just won't allow it. The warmth of your personality shines through in the kindness you show friends and family (and strangers, too). Always ready with a lighthearted joke or heartfelt compliment, you know how to make people feel good about themselves, so they can't get enough of you. Yellow is a warm and inviting color for a warm and inviting person — you!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=colorogt&c=50652

Okay, my sister put this on my blog after asking me questions while I was doing about ten other things. I'm not sure I agree with some of it but for now it will have to do. I think I'm going to have Troy take the test and answer the questions about me to see if it turns out any different. I'll keep you posted.

GOT MILK?

I forgot I had these pictures from a recent visit of my sister's family. CAYMBREE and BRIDGER look so tender all cuddled up, drinking their milk but the truth is - that is the only way we could ever get them to hold still so we could take a picture.

Groundhogs Day?

Ya, I know it's the wrong holiday but I swear we are having some serious de-ja-voo (Ok, I can't even get it close enough for spell check) around here. Last Monday night Hallee came home from dancing saying she just wanted to go to bed. Around 11:30pm she started throwing up and did so every two hours until 9:00am the next morning. I braced myself for the rest of us to get it and even strategically planned every meal for the next few days...NO MEAT! Every menu was based around the idea that I was probably going to be seeing it again soon in a not-so-flattering way so we had a lot of pancakes, grilled cheese and tortillas. The week came and went and we flew by in flying colors. Whew! No fast forward exactly one week. Monday night. HOPE comes home from dancing saying she is tired. At almost 11:30 on the dot she comes into my room covered with - well you know where this story is headed. Here we go again. However, to my great delight she only threw up once. She was pretty tired this morning but it's now 11:30 am and she seems like she is 100% back to normal. Perhaps she just got a mellow form of it.
Looks like it's another week of pancakes, grilled cheese and tortillas.

Lean, Green, Girly Machines!

Did you go green? We did. All the way. Decked out in green, green and more green we set out for the day. I volunteered in Hallee's classroom and got high accolades for my green necklace, green earrings and green bracelet. Hallee was beaming with pride :) Oh, and just not to disappoint his girls, Troy did wear a green hair elastic around his finger.

It was a CRAZY day but we managed to fit everything in. Monday Madness includes dance lessons for both girls so at about 7:30 pm we finally sat down to our traditional green dinner.

Easter Dresses

Three girls, three Easter dresses. Three bows, three tights and three pairs of shoes to match. Once again I'm realizing the small fortune required to raise girls. I started my search a month ago and quickly realized how totally ridiculous the cost was going to be to buy cute, fancy dancy matching dresses with the absolute required accessories. Just try this on for size - an
"average" dress probably runs around $25-30 dollars. That's for something simple. (For those of you who don't have girls a formal dress is usually between $65 - $90 dollars) Add $14.00 times THREE for shoes, three bows at $7.00 a piece, tights $7.00 a piece and we are looking at more than $150.00 - FOR SOMETHING THEY WILL ONLY WEAR A SHORT, SHORT TIME! Oh, and since most Easter dresses are meant for warm weather lets add another $15.00 a piece for sweaters to go over the top. Now we are up to $200 dollars. I give up.

I think I settled on buying the dress pictured above for Hallee, Hope gets a really cute hand-me-down from Hallee (remember the days when you only had one kid - so you spent ridiculous amounts of money on a dress?) and Caymbree is going to wear a really fun dress my friend gave me when she was born. They don't match - in fact they will really clash. Thank goodness for pictures in sepia!

THIRTY, FLIRTY, and THRIVING?

Call it an early mid-life crisis. Maybe it's just the words from one of my all time favorite movies "13 GOING ON 30" haunting me, you know, the one she repeats over and over again; "THIRTY, FLIRTY and THRIVING!" Who knows? But lately, I have been on a serious mission to update my make-up. I've tried lots- MaryKay, Sheer Cover (yes I'm a sucker for infomercials), I've been the M.A.C counter more than once, bought some foundation from Lancome and just finished up with a fabulous presentation by Arbonne (whose cleansing line I LOVED but just can't afford :). I've learned lots of tips and tricks some of which I am a believer in and some... well, not so much. Maybe I'm too unrealistic. I want to look like a movie star but don't want to look made-over. I want to look polished but still need a low maintenance routine. I want glamour but not five inches of make-up on. I want fabulous eyes but need a make-up artist to apply it for me each morning. IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK? (I know, I know).

So here is my plea for help. What are your "must have" products? What are your tips and tricks? Just to be fair I'll share a few of my own...

1) WHITE EYELINER - According to my M.A.C. consultant this is one of her two "must haves"and I have to say I agree. You just put it along the lower tear duct line and it instantly brightens and widens any eye.

2) CONCEALER - her second "must have". Using a concealer at least one shade lighter than your foundation you apply under your eye starting about half way and going inward toward your nose. Continue up and around your inner eye creating a moon shape.

3) PINK SHIMMER- This is actually one of my favorites tips! Take a really light shimmer pink (eye shadow or blush works) and apply in a small circular motion to bone right under your eye extending outward. It gives you a fresh bright look!

So there you have it. Now really, any and all help would be appreciated. What are your favorite products and why? Any tips or tricks? I swear I have spent a small fortune trying to find the perfect mascara and eye colors so any help there would also be greatly appreciated.

"Not what I was Expecting"

When Hallee came home from school yesterday I was a little preoccupied trying to get a hundred and one things done. She was telling me all sorts of things and I was doing my best to add in a "uh hu" and a "ya" here and there. Finally, she dropped her shoulders and quietly said, "This is not what I was expecting," as she slowly walked out. Confused, I stopped her and asked her what she meant. She said, "This just isn't what I was expecting." "What were you expecting," I asked. "Maybe like a Hi, Hallee. How are you? How was school today?"
That "Mother of the Year" award just keeps getting farther and farther away.

Hope Moments

Another week, another great "Hope moment." Actually, LOTS of them. Here are some of the highlights that made me smile...

* While walking out of the movie theatre after just seeing SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES, Hope stopped two complete strangers in their tracks by stepping right in front of them and saying, "I just saw a SCAWEY movie. Don't go see it kay!" I heard them chuckling all the way to the door.

* Every decision is preceded by "Hmmm, let me sink for wonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn minute."

* After being told to put on her pants for the third time she pulled out the tag and pretended to read it. Then she declared, "Mom! Read this tag. It says "no girls can do it! Only moms! Sowwey! (As she shrugs her shoulders)

* While riding in the car I thought out loud how nice it would be to get a babysitter so I could get my errands done. Hope was thrilled and said, "Ya, mom. You don't want to take me to the stors wis you cause I will just whine and cwy the whole time." I sink I need a babysitter!"

* After being sick for a while I asked her how she was feeling. She put her hand up to her heart and said, "My heart says I's ALL better!"

2 Weeks in Review

So, some of you have noticed a temporary slow-down in my posting lately but rest assured it was with good reason. Troy left for a 13 day business trip to Virginia leaving me with three kids and four nasty colds to contend with. I have to admit I was a little nervous but things actually went really well. Between swimming lessons three days a week, help from my parents on the weekend, a four day trip to Logan/Bear Lake and lots of fun activities, the time went rather quickly. Here is a little recap of some of the highlights....

1) I managed to find the time to make this flower arrangement for my bedroom. I am quite pleased how it turned out!

2) One day was spent with a couple of my friends from high school. Amazingly, the kids played downstairs allowing us to sit and visit almost undisturbed.

Ethan was quite a trooper and didn't even notice that he was the only boy.
3) Lots of cousin time. The kids LOVED their ice cream from Cold Stone and well, so did I.
4) Hope and Adi spent most of the time in Grandma's dress up box.
I'm rather impressed that Troy came home to a house that was still standing, three kids that were all still alive and breathing and a wife who never had to be committed. However, I am SO grateful he is home. We missed him something fierce!

Motherhood and all it's GLORY

Well, I think I reached it. The bottom pit of Motherhood. I guess I should back up a bit. Last Sunday Hope was laying on the bed while I was packing our bags to head to Logan. Suddenly, she sprang up, gasped and then looked at me with horror. After a few little coughs she declared that she had swallowed a dime. I laughed it off, told her to be careful and not to put things in her mouth anymore. She asked how we were going to get it out of her tummy and I told her she would probably "poop it out." "Okay, Mommy, she said worriedly. "I's gonna go poop it out RIGHT NOW!" I laughed and that was the end of that. I thought anyway.

Upon telling my story to my mom and sister-in-law (one's a nurse and the other worked in pediatricians office) they informed me that it was my motherly duty to make sure the dime comes out. Yes, folks that means sorting through the poop for the next few days. Just a warning...it's gonna get graphic. Nurse Cathy suggested putting on some gloves and just going for it. Um, HELLO? I finally resorted to a LONG, LONG bread knife for my in-toilet dissections. Glamorous huh?

At this point your probably dying to know whether we found the dime and the answer is no. We had a few times when we were out and about without our handy-dandy bread knife and who knows, it could have come out then. All I know, is I am through searching.

Wise beyond her years

It's hard to imagine that this cute little toddler is now my "grown up" six year old. Hallee is wise beyond her years and often teaches ME with her grace and kindness. I think I take her for granted sometimes because she is SO willing to do any and everything I ask her. I chuckled the other day when I sat peacefully eating my lunch while she fed Caymbree her sweet potatoes. (Hallee did ask to feed her.) I guess I pushed her over her limit a few days ago because she finally looked at me and said, "MOM! Do you have any idea how frustrating it is when you ask me to do ten things at once! I only have so many hands ya know." Whoops.

Her sweet innocence is priceless. Her little friend was here the other morning while she was getting ready and the conversation went something like this....
H: "Do you have any freckles?"
Friend: "No."
H: "Ya, know that freckles are really angel kisses."
F: "Really? Looking at me for a real answer.
H: "Don't feel bad that you don't have any. You have guitar hero. I have freckles. Some people just get different things."

She puts others above herself. While trying to decide the sleeping arrangements at Bear Lake Hallee whispered that she was worried about sleeping in the same room with her sister and cousin because they would keep her up all night (which indeed they would.) I agreed and told her she could sleep out in the living room. When she noticed the disappointment and tears on her cousin she quickly agreed to sleep on the floor just to keep everyone happy. However, the arrangements had already been made and I let her off the hook so she could sleep out in the other room. The poor girl fretted and stewed about it for the next fifteen minutes. She was so worried that her cousin would be sad or disappointed and even asked me "Mom? Do you think Jesus is disappointed with this decision?"

What ever did I do to deserve this sweet little girl?

Stroll Down memory lane

Hey BROOKE, LINDSAY and MAGEN - Remember our cute little playgroup? I found this picture yesterday and it brought back so many fun memories. I can't believe how fast time has gone by.